Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

I become a SAHM for a period ranging from one to two weeks every year, when my MIL goes on her annual holidays. In between, there would also be a couple days here and there.

Last week, I was a SAHM. IT WAS TOUGH! Granted that it wasn’t as tough as the previous 2 years where the kids were younger, it was still pretty exhausting. I realised that I was more tired mentally as a FTWM but physically tired out as a SAHM. As FTWM, I would return home after spending 10-12 hours in a fast-moving office and markets environment with highly demanding customers, totally drained mentally. As a SAHM, I would be spent, talking, walking, running, yelling, coaxing, educating, playing with the kids from the moment they wake up at 7am till they (and I) knock off at 9-ish. Non-stop.

BUT……….being a SAHM is also fun! For once, I didn’t have to worry about unresolved issues, and my most pressing customer need was for the bum to be washed and food to be served. I managed to spend quality time with all 3 – be it building blocks only for them to be knocked down mercilessly, reading for a grand 2 minutes before they run off to another activity, learning chinese (Bryan teaches me), role-playing Ben10 aliens (they actually whack me – ouch!), going to the playground or just chilling with some snacks in front of the TV. I loved every moment of it eventhough it meant not getting any time alone, not getting out of my PJs till 11am, not being able to read a single complete article of the papers and not being able to sh*t without having someone calling out for me or banging on the bathroom door.

I could also run errands during the off-peak hours, including running around to Syabas, TNB & MBPJ, enjoy the crowdless shopping malls and pay weekday prices to indoor kids activities. I liked having at least 8 hours in a day where my butt wasn’t confined to a chair and attending meetings. I loved not having to spend 2 hours of my life daily on battling city traffic and I especially loved the fact that I could meet up with other SAHMs!  

So, why do I work? Because I thrive by being constantly challenged by difficult people, because I am very much a people person that it almost killed me by not having someone to speak to, and because I need the money. All very selfish reasons, but also reasons that make me appreciate my limited time with the kids and to make the time spent, quality type.

I read many parents’ blogs. I only comment on a speckled few, which brings me to this blog topic.

Most parents blog about where they brought their kids to over the weekend (parks, short family trip), what art and crafts they did, what they cooked/baked. My weekends are spent at my parents’ place and the shopping mall. Other times are spent in front of the television especially when I’m preparing meals in the kitchen.

The thought of doing anything complicated like art and craft (that IS complicated for someone from a scientific background like I) scares me even though I have a help to clean up the mess, and the thought of going to the park also scares me as I would imagine how tired I would be for the rest of the day, from chasing the kids up and down. And the things that need to be packed!!!

Having 3 kids is not an excuse for sure. I’ve read the thrills and adventures of other parents (a few with more than 3 kids) and they seemed to be able to handle with ease. No complains of being all tired out. And here I am, ready to hit the sack by 8pm on a Saturday night.   

After this short piece of self-analysis, I would say the answer is : BOTH!

I get questions from many people about how I manage being a FTWM with 3 boys whose ages are close together. I dont’ have an answer. I suppose I don’t “manage”, I just get on with doing whatever that needs to be done. I think that’s what every parent do as well, regardless of the number of children. But what keeps me sane? That is quite a different story.

To start with, I don’t bother comparing my kids against other people eg. at what age they can read or write or speak, whether they attend Gymboree or Shichida. I wasn’t at least perturbed that Bryan couldn’t utter a word before he was 2 (of course, when he started, it was a point of no-return!) or that he cannot recognise his own name now. I am not discouraged by the fact that at 18mths, Brandon clings to me and throws tantrums ALL the time. He is afterall, learning how to express himself without having the vocabulary to do so. And then, Bradley is over 4 months and can’t flip either way because he is either strapped to the bouncer or confined on his bed, alone. I’d rather him flip later than to be trampled by his two kor kors!

When it comes to meal times which can be quite stressful periods, I have a simple philosophy – Let the child lead you. If he is hungry enough, he will eat anything. Because of that, if either Bryan or Brandon shuns their meal, it is perfectly fine with me. The only rule is that there is no snacking if they have not had their proper meal. Very soon after, they will realise that they ARE hungry and wolf down the blandest porridge as if it was the tastiest thing on Earth.

Then again, I am not one with the tidak-apa attitude. I do worry about my kids especially about their safety. As such, I almost never compromise when it comes being buckled in the car seat or running around/playing with sharp objects. They must also be polite and I’m beginning to teach them to be appreciative of what they have. Very soon, I foresee myself educating them about earning what they want.

I also do worry about their health especially after the recent spat of fever/cough/runny nose that were travelling amongst my 3 musketeers. I ensure that every meal is balanced as much as possible during the weekdays while on weekends, I let loose and also indulgences in fast food, icre-cream (great source of calcium) and chocolates (release endomorphins – the “happy” hormones”).

In conclusion, if I worry I make sure that I worry where and when it matters. Otherwise I would say to you, in a true Malaysian manner, “Relak-lah!”. Have a happy weekend!

Lil’ Brad turns 2 months old today. We brought him to the paed for his shots yesterday and to take a check on his vital stats, well namely his weight. His weight is now 5kg, an increase of 1.2kg from last month. Brad is solely on formula milk now that mummy’s milk factory has shut down and the remaining supply in the freezer has been consumed. He takes 3ozs every 2.5 to 3 hours. Sometimes if he sleeps through his feed during the day, I’ll add an additional 1/2 oz into his next feed, which he would happily chug it down.

I’m also pleased to report that he seems to have less gas in his tummy these days. I don’t need to stop in between a feed to burp him anymore although I still do that sometimes if I see that he’s in discomfort. The new bottles and formula are working their magic! It has been quite a rollercoaster ride in this aspect since he was born because Brad would cry angrily after feeds (from the bottle) and pull his legs up – sure signs of colic. Plus his possetting was kind of scary, seeing the amount of milk he would throw up each time. We had to change the bottles, changed formulas a couple of times until we found one suitable for him (a Japanese brand) and burped him 4-5 times. But at the end, it’s all worth it though it set me back a couple of hundreds of ringgits.

Of late, he has been staring at us with his large eyes and appears to be able to see us although I think all he can see are shadows. Brad reacts to sounds very quickly by turning his head towards the source of sound. His head control is pretty good as his neck is quite stiff already. He can even lift his head up for a few seconds, especially when he is cranky and wants to sleep but mummy is trying to get a burp out of him.

Sleepwise Brad has been quite good. His last feed is usually about 10:30pm and the next would be at around 5-6am. I have been getting comments about how “lucky” I am as Brad has been sleeping through since he was 6 weeks old. Trust me, luck has NOTHING to do with this. I attribute it to two things:

(1) Sleep-training, which teaches him to self-soothe after a feed and when he awakens in the middle of the night; and

(2) Cluster-feeding, which involves reducing the time between feeds a couple of hours before the last feed so that his body is tanked-up sufficiently to last the next 4-5 hours.

Both Bryan and Brandon are increasingly sweet towards their lil’ brother. Whenever Brad cries, they take turns to stroke his head and/or give him a toy. I am looking forward to the day when the three brothers are able to play (fight more often, I think!) with each other.

Happy 2 months old, Brad!

Ever since the post about using the crying-it-out (CIO) on both Brandon and Bradley and also commenting on FB, I’d had many questions about how this is done. I append a summary of it below. A warning is that this technique may not suit everyone nor every baby so please use the below at your own discretion.

First, a little background of why I chose CIO. Being an inexperienced mother when we first had our first child, we resolved to using the pacifier and rocking the child to sleep. Afterall, these props (I use the word “props” to refer to any aids used to help a baby sleep) have been used for centuries by our grannies and forefathers. Bryan was a particularly touchy baby from the start. As a newborn, he would sleep no more than 10 hours IN TOTAL a day. Compare that to an average newborn who sleeps 16-18 hours a day – scary, isn’t it? He would cry all the time and refuse to settle. It drove me into depression for I never expected parenting to be so darn difficult. I remember we had to rock him for 2 hours at night, only for him to be awaken the moment we put him down on the bed all because he never learnt how to fall asleep on his own. The whole process of rocking will re-start and before you know it, it’s feeding time again. It was nightmarish. We tried white noise (static from TV, sound from a running washing machine), singing and sshhh-ing (where you whisper “shhhssh” into the baby’s ear) but nothing seemed to be able to calm him. MIL then suggested we introduce the pacifier when he was 2 months. For a few weeks, there was some silence and sleep in the house. But before we knew it, he started waking up every 2 hours, then every hour and finally, every 45mins at night, when the blinking pacifier fell out from his mouth! We were back to square one. At 6 months, we couldn’t take it anymore. VT & I were both at the brink of exhaustion. We decided to wean him off the pacifier. We suffered 2 months of constant crying post-weaning - both Bryan and myself. So what happened after that? We went back to rocking Bryan to sleep every night until he was 2 years old. Both my MIL and I suffered from de Quervian syndrome (wrist inflamation) due to the weight of Bryan who was 15kg by the time he turned 2. Up to now, we rely on using the bottle to ensure Bryan takes his nap.

Sooooooooo, long story cut short, we had a traumatic experience when it comes to sleeping. I have one cupboard full of reading materials on teaching baby to sleep, ranging from CIO to regimental schedules to so-called “No Cry Sleep Solutions”. Hey, I was so desparate that I bought everything and anything related to baby sleeping techniques. In my situation where I have one or more other young child to manage, plus being a FTWM, the CIO suited me and my baby best.

Now back to the CIO technique. As mentioned earlier, before you allow the baby to cry it out, it is imperative that the baby’s needs are fully met. This means ensuring that the baby is fed & burped, poo is cleaned, room temperature is neither too hot nor too cold and that the baby has had sufficient activity/awake time. I also look out for signs of tiredness, the main one being yawning. Once you have observed two yawns, it is time to wind the baby down. Too early, he won’t be tired enough and too late, he will be over-tired & over-stimulated. Timing is key. I like to play soothing music and give him extra cuddles just before I put Bradley back into the cot. I can almost assure you that the baby will start crying the moment he is set back into his cot. I mean, who wouldn’t love to be held in the loving & warm arms of a parent compared to the cold and lonely cot? But I constantly remind myself that I’m giving Bradley the opportunity to fall asleep by himself, and some crying may be involved. I give myself a maximum of 10 minutes. If he doesn’t sleep by then or if he starts shrieking, I will immediately pick him up. Usually, this is not required. I find that the first 2-3 times, he will cry (sometimes, it’s just the “ngek, ngek, ngek” noise which isn’t really crying) for no more than 10mins then subsequently it will take less and less time. The sign of success is when the baby is able to self-soothe the moment he’s placed into the cot provided he’s tired enough. Over a short period of time, you’ll find that even when the baby stirs briefly in the middle of the night, he will have no problems going back to sleep on his own without needing any props, be it your comforting hand, a pacifier or a bottle.

I cannot stress enough that if this technique doesn’t feel right with you, DON’T DO IT! It may work for my babies but may not work on yours. The most important thing about parenthood is ENJOYING IT. Afterall, no matter how a child is brought up, they grow up at the end. One day, we will wake up to find ourselves nagging at our teenager why he/she is sleeping so much!!!

Good luck!

Usually, after VT takes Bryan and Brandon over to my PILs on his way to work, I will have a full morning to potter around the house as Bradley would usually be sleeping. Not this morning!

Bradley has been up since 6am this morning and up till now (time check: 12.25pm), he is still awake! He has been cat-napping 15mins tops and fussing/crying the rest of the time. What the heck is wrong?

I’m starting to lose my patience!! I’d decided to let him cry – I gave myself a max of 10mins of crying before I picked him up as we realised that Bradley needed to be carried to sleep. Call me a Nazi mum but since our experience with Bryan, whom we carried to sleep till he was 2yrs old, we have been sleep-training Brandon and Bradley. Many people say that we are cruel to let the babies cry but to us, we are not ignoring them. Once they are fed, burped and changed, there is nothing much we can do. Sure there are the cuddling times but when the baby arches his back, we know that he is tired and crying is a way of telling us. So we put them in the cot as they need to learn how to self-soothe. We did this with Brandon and there sure ain’t any psychological effect from the crying. Instead he is a much happier baby compared to Bryan because he is able to self-soothe himself back to sleep in the middle of the night and hence, wake up happier from a good night’s sleep.

However, it takes A LOT from the parents. It is difficult to watch your baby cry. That is why I put a max time that I allow him to cry and if his cries escalate into a scream-like pitch, I would immediately pick him up. Hopefully this terrible phase doesn’t stay.    

Bottle-feeding Bradley has been a tough ride so far. The flow of the current MAM teats (No. 1, the slowest flow) that I’m using seemed too fast for him, which causes him to splutter a lot. Sometimes, the milk even hits my face – that’s how bad it is. We used the same with Brandon without much issue. Shows you how it differs from infant to infant. And then when he draws the milk in, he makes wheezing sound, as if taking in a lot of air at the same time. True enough, because when I burp him, he burps very loudly a couple of time and there is posseting too. It gets worse at night when his body is curled up (from excess gas, I think) and he will be crying for a few hours straight. After a few weeks of this, I had enough.

I spent yesterday morning researching on the internet and reading reviews of other brands of bottles. I’d short-listed two brands at the end of the 4-hour search: (1) Bfree Plus; (2) Breastflow. Bfree Plus is supposedly THE bottle to eliminate consumption of air when drinking while Breastflow immitates the breast whereby the baby needs to compress and suck the teat at the same time in order to draw milk from the bottle. Choice (1) seemed ideal for the gas problem and choice (2) will solve the too-fast teat issue. Now that I’d narrowed my choices, I proceeded to call various neighbourhood shops for supply. To my dismay, all the shops do not supply choice (1). My favourite online baby shop, mybbstore has them but I didn’t want to wait for shipment. So what did I do? I decided to venture into unknown areas of KL to find the showroom (retail outlet).

Setting off with Bradley in tow, I drove a good 35mins from my home to reach Jalan Kuchai Lama and managed to locate the shop quite easily, thanks to the map from their website and directions from a friend. The salesperson was friendly enough and knowledgeable about both brands. I couldn’t make up my mind on which to get, so decided to get one of each. Bfree 5ozs bottle retails for RM48.90 while Breatsflow retails at half the price. It started pouring cats and dogs when I completed the transaction. Good thing I brought down a brolly with me. We managed to get back into the car safely – Bradley was still sleeping soundly in the carrier while I was drenched from head to toe as I held the brolly over the bubba. In the pounding rain, we made our way home – I couldn’t wait to try out both the bottles.

The same night, I tried the Bfree bottle first. As Bradley slowly took in the bottle, there was no spluttering of milk on my face, no dripping of milk from the corners of his mouth and no gagging sounds! On top of that, he let go a small burp and no posseting either! Lo and behold, this bottle is great! Bradley was a happier baby last night – no more curling up and no more crying in pain.

(L-R: Breastflow, Bfree, MAM)

This evening, when VT returns from work, we’ll make another journey to the store to buy more bottles. If it works, any amount of trouble (and money) is worth it!

And what do ya know, Brad is celebrating his full moon today. We brought him to the paed this morning to get his 2nd Hep B shot. Brad started crying the moment the paed swabbed his thigh with alcohol and when the jab was administered, he was screaming until he lost his voice! Thankfully, he settled down quickly after that although he looked pretty upset with his parents for subjecting him to the pain. Well, boy, a small prick here and there could very well save your life. Brad weighs 3.8kg today, a hearty 1.1kg increase from his birth weigh. Way to go, Bradley! Overall, the paed was pleased with his other developments and there was no concern.

VT and I took this golden opportunity to scum off to pak-tor, with little Bradley in tow of course. After sending the fullmoon pacakages to our relatives, we went to indulge ourselves in Shangri-La’s Lemon Garden buffet. I zoomed in on the salmon sashimi, something which I avoided during pregnancy, and literally polished off the entire plate. Then with the little tummy space left, I took in a good portion of leg of lamb, all done to medium-well doneness. 

As for little Brad, he had the “luxury” of mummy breastfeeding him because mummy was too lazy to express when out of home. I know he loves to suckle directly but this Nazi mummy has been giving him EBM via the bottle as he was getting quite hooked on my boobies. It would be difficult for my MIL to handle a baby who only falls asleep at the breast, hence my decision to wean him off. Anyway, today was a treat for Brad and I enjoyed the experience of breastfeeding in public for the first time. I borrowed a poncho from a dear friend, and it was not difficult or awkward as I thought it would be although it was kind of stuffy for him (I think – cos I put my head into the poncho to see how it felt like). He didn’t complain though so I guess it was ok. I have to admit that breastfeeding is sooooooooo easy – no need to pack bottles, formula & hot water – just get up and go with the baby. Plus the baby usually dozes off while feeding so that is an additional plus. If I was not working full time, I would continue breastfeeding no doubt.

Oh, and for the fullmoon package, this time around I went with Delights Full Moon. I haven’t tasted the food yet but it looked good. They even made customised birth announcements, which were pasted on each box. And for free of charge!

Tonight we’ll be having a dinner with the immediate family and tomorrow, a bigger celebration with friends at my in-laws place. Will post up photos later.

Happy 1 Month Old, Bradley!

Ok, this is the first time since Bradley’s arrival that I’m able to sit down for longer than 5 minutes at my laptop without a toddler pulling the keys out or yanking at the wire to have a closer look at what I’m doing. VT has taken Bryan and Brandon to Cameron Highlands together with my PILs and SIL for 2D/1N, mainly to give me a much-needed break and also to entertain the boys over the long weekend. Actually, it would have been nice if I could have gone as well, especially when we’ve not gone for a family vacation before. Anyhow, thought I take this opportunity to pen down what has been happening the past 3 weeks.

Last weekend, my home was privileged to be blessed with the presence of mummy bloggers – Wen, Jaccs, Slavemom, Healthfreakmommy, Chanel, Sue & Jazz. I can’t thank you gals enough for bringing all the laughter into my house. It was a good break from my usual boring & mundane routine, and I enjoyed the chit-chatting tremendously. You can read more about the visit here, here and here. Sorry girls, my house was EXTREMELY dusty, dirty and untidy. Of course, there was this sexy mama who helped herself to the mop and helped mop the living room (person revelaed in the next post)!! Now, tell me, where would you find a friend like this????? I was telling VT later on that even with my closest friends, they wouldn’t have thought of lifting a finger to help without asking. Throughout the week, I also received visits from my colleagues, another blogger mummy- Marlina, and Amy who coincidentally is Dinah’s SIL. I deeply appreciate all the company and offer to help in my maidless days.

On the not-so-exciting days, it was getting increasingly difficult to entertain and keep a 3yr old toddler at home. I also pity Bryan as he is coped up in our very, very small house daily. VT has been buying sticker activity books but even then, these do not last past half a day tops. So I’ve been trying to read him stories, play with his Thomas train tracks and PlayDoh. But there’s only so much we can play. I even enlisted Bryan to help change the bedsheets, which we both thoroughly enjoyed because once all the linen are on the floor, we will jump into them and lie on the soft cotton. There will be times that Bryan will get all whiny and berserk – mainly from boredom and frustration. That’s when I will find PlayDoh in the tubes of my breast pump or my lingerie in the balcony! When all fails, tickles don’t! I will start tickling Bryan and we will both end up in a heap on the floor, laughing uncontrollaby.

In the evening, I’ll try to take him to the playground near my house but unfortunately, it has been raining the past couple of days. To make up for it, we will have a mini picnic in the living room where I’ll lay out a mat on the floor and serve a snack -  be it biscuits, tiny sandwiches or fruits together with fresh milk, Yakult or chilled Milo. At the same time, I will sing “Having a Picnic” song from Barney. That never fails to put a wide grin on Bryan’s face.

As for Bradley, he is quite a terror and cry baby. He is currently drinking 3ozs of EBM every 2-3 hourly even at nights, which I think is quite a bit for a 2 1/2 week old baby?? After drinking, this little fella doesn’t sleep but instead fusses and fusses until the CL cannot tahan and picks him up. Mummy won’t pick him up because he would start rooting eventhough he just had his feed. I find that Brad’s behaviour is quite a bit like Bryan’s, in that there is a lot of fussing. Unlike Brandon who fed, slept and pooed without any fuss. I hope his habit changes over the next couple of weeks.

As for my maid issue, my 1st (old) maid will return from her Raya holidays in 3 days time – Hooray!! Hence starting next week, both Bryan and Brandon will resume going to their Ah Ma’s house, leaving mummy to complete the remaining week of confinement alone. I’ve also extended my CL for 2 more weeks for proper rest. At the same time, I’ve submitted the application for another maid, who hopefully arrives before I resume work in early November. Else it would be quite a strain for my MIL to handle 3 kids with one maid. 

That’s all the updates I have for now. I should be able to blog more regularly next week when I have a bit more time on my hands. Have a super weekend all!!

Which started on a Thursday. I was supposed to be on annual leave to do a bit of spring cleaning before the 2nd maid arrived and the 3rd baby is born. They call this unsatiable urge to clean and do umpteenth activity our “nesting instinct”. But when I left the kids at my MIL’s on Thursday morning, she declared that she was going to take Bryan to Singapore for a short 3D/2N break along with my FIL, who was going for work. My first thought was, “Brandon how”?. MIL suggested my parents but I thought it was the perfect opportunity to spend some 1-on-1 time with Brandon, so I’d applied for emergency leave for Friday as well.

And I did not regret a single bit. When Bryan is around, he will cling onto me and make sure that he has my attention all the time. As a result, Brandon is left to play on his own or my maid will have to entertain him. Over the 3 days, I did nothing but pay my utmost attention on the little boy. I read with him, taught him how to play with the shape-sorters and taught him how to come off the couch legs first, and not his “kamikaze” (head-first) style. Brandon is a quick-learner. I also had much more time for myself in that when he took his daily 2 doses of naps, I had time to do a bit of work and also to spring-clean. Otherwise, when he napped I had to entertain the older one.

On Saturday morning, this cheerful mummy dropped by with her 2 darlings – bearing lots of goodies. Thanks again, Chanel. It has been such a while since we last met up, and I love that new hairstyle of yours – very, very chic!! I’d tried to snap a photo of Brandon together with Ariel but it was impossible, with the both of them turning away. We also managed to exchange birthday presents since their birthdays are only a day apart. 

Bryan came home close to 6pm, full of stories about his holiday adventures. His endless chatter about his new Lego set, Thomas stamping set and stay in the hotel room, kept us amused for the rest of the weekend. I really missed not having that chatty little boy around and the house was really quiet without his endless “Mummy” calling.

It was a fulfilling long weekend for me in that I managed to bond a little more with Brandon (and it shows!) and that at least I know Bryan has no problems with being away from me for a few days. How was YOUR weekend?