Archive for the ‘Reflections’ Category

So many changes. So many things to do and organise.

It is overwhelming most of the time but I’m fortunate that I have my parents to share my burden (financials, emotional) and my in-laws to help out with the children, especially on weekdays.

Still, at times, I feel like I’m losing it. So I shall focus only on my priorities, which are:

(1) Healthy meals for kids (stayed up past midnight last night to cook Mac & cheese for deep freezing)

(2) Bills are paid on time, plus all other financial obligations to settle (this is getting difficult due to new commitments)

(3) Time to spend with the kids

Just doing these 3 things leave me with very little time for anything else. I don’t want to be a superwoman. It doesn’t exist anyway. Help me God, to get through this period of adjustment.

I had a big lunch today. And I mean BIG. Don’t believe me?

This meal costs me RM8.50 inclusive of an iced cincau. Since I’d started running consistently in the mornings, my appetite has increased by leaps and bounds. I also use it as a valid reason to stuff my face. Why not? Life is short. That was my conclusion after watching “Eat Pray Love” with 2 other hootchie mamas last Friday.

Last weekend, B3 and Mamapumpkin’s T2 had their 4th date. It was pretty steamy stuff – read T2′s account here. Also, see how slim I am now. I’m probably no more than 50kg. Again, don’t believe me?  

Confusing post, ain’t it? The truth is that I just really wanted to show you how much I ate for lunch. Even the man standing behind me let go a snigger when the lady at the cashier said in cantonese, “hou tung ngor ah?” (translated to: are you very hungry?).

This is a backdated post, obviously!

When I delivered Bradley in Sept last year, I was adamant and determined that I would be able to run 10km in the June ’10 Stanchart marathon in less than an hour. My personal best had been 50mins and this was the final run I did just before I fell pregnant with Bryan 5 years ago. I’d started working out at the gym zealously during lunch time 3x weekly. The first few times were so difficult that after each 30mins running session, I will be sobbing in the shower, realising how un-fit I was. Still, I pushed my mind and body to persist. I’d also signed up with Herbalife shakes in an effort to lose some weight so that running would be less-punishing on the joints. I’d lost over 16kgs from Oct ’09 to Apr ’10.

After a while though, I’d realised that running on the treadmill was not sufficient. My stamina had hit a plateau, and not to mention my enthusiasm too. I then started waking up at 6am in the mornings, at least twice a week, so that I could have a run around my neighbourhood prior to work. Running on the road is a totally different ball game compared to running on the treadmill where there is what I call a fake momentum which moves your legs. I’d lasted for 10mins only on the first run. Over the course of 2 1/2 months, I’d gradually increased it to 30mins.

And before I knew it, the day of reckoning arrived.

Over the course of my training, I’d lowered my expectations from sub-hour to coming in within the qualifying time, which is 1hr 30mins. It didn’t help that my bib number was a “curse” to begin with – 21144. You can’t get more “dead” than that!!! I had partnered-up with my colleague who sits next to me at work. She is 50 years old and have 4 teenagers. Throughout the race, we motivated each other and many times, we slowed down for each other and we crossed the finishing line together. I’d finally completed the 10km at 1hr 37mins. I was extremely disappointed. The silver lining was that I was ranked #1443 out of 3223 female runners in this category so I guess it’s not too bad for a mum of 3??

Looks gaya only, but was dying inside.

Will I try again? I really doubt it. Running is punishing to the joints, especially the knees where I’ve been feeling pain already plus I have come to accept that my body isn’t what it used to be, having gone through child birth. Whilst it shouldn’t be taken as an excuse, work & motherhood are already taking up ALL my time hence to put aside hours for consistent training doesn’t quite cut it. I will still continue to exercise regularly but sadly, the hunger and focus to meet a time, are gone. Perhaps it’s time for me to hang up my running shoes.

This July marks a significant month for me somewhat.

Firstly, this 5th of July of 2010 marks the 2nd year that has gone by since Bryan’s accident. The scars, although faint, are still there and marks a strong remembrance of what a crappy parent I was (am?). We have since fixed an ugly-looking shower screen as a door to the kitchen and I’m totally paranoid about serving hot food, especially soups, when they are around. My kids food now are all VERY COLD!!! But as a result, this was a major learning point and also it keeps giving both VT & I a sense of gratitude for having healthy kids. So whenever someone is having a tantrum, instead of lashing out at them, we step back and ask ourselves, “Remember what happened to Bryan in ’08?”.

And then come this 19th, our little cili padi turns 2! Yes, he was born exactly 2 weeks after the incident. Poor baby was so under-weighed (only at 2.6kg at birth) because I didn’t eat much towards the end due to the stress. Now he is a whopping 15.3kg! If you have a small baby at birth, don’t worry!! As a record, Bryan was borned at 2.8kg and Brad at 2.7kg – all very small babies. Look at them now and have no fear!! I’ll be blogging about how we celeberate Brandon’s 2nd birthday in due course.

And then, VT & I were married on 10 July 2004. This year marks the 6th year we’ve been married and also the 11th year that we’ve been together. We got married on the same date we hooked up as well. Cheesy, eh? There were many ups and downs during courtship and LOTS of arguments, but after we got married, there were very little – I supposed we argued all that we wanted to before marriage! I had once told a friend that my spouse is my best friend first, and lover second. And indeed, VT is my best friend – the 1st person I will call whenever I had something happy/sad to share. We never fail to make each other laugh and to poke fun at each other. He is also a wonderful father who dotes on the kids and never fail to chip in his helping hand. What can I say, but I am lucky!

As most of you would know, I have been on compulsory 2 weeks leave since last week. I have not taken this leave for a while since in previous years, my maternity leave was taken as such. The purpose of this leave is to allow other people to access your work and to curb fraudulent activities. This year, I’m home with 3 little monkeys and at the same time, sent the maid who had been with me for the past 4 years, home because she was acting up. So off I went on this little 2-week adventure. There were good days (read: Bryan & Bradon fought minimally with each other; few tantrums; Brad sleeps well) and there were bad days (read: everything in opposite). I did sneak some reprieve by taking the whole gang to my parents’ place, which is a mere 15mins drive away. I would have loved to go there everyday for good food & company, but I know my kids were taxing on them when both mum & dad snoozed off on the couch, 2 hours after we got there! But overall, it was great to be with the kids 24/7 BUT with the know that this is not permanent. I won’t be able to do this day in, day out – hence, my SALUTE to those parents who do!!!

I’ll end my blogging diarhoea now. With great relief at your end, I bet!

Bryan absolutely adores and loves his di dis, and he constantly displays his affection to both Brandon and Bradley. From the moment he wakes up till the time he goes to sleep, Bryan is on a constant look-out for his brothers. He declares his love publicy by saying, “I Love You, Di Di!” and by hugging them. Sometimes, when I need to go to the toilet, I’ll ask him to keep an eye on Bradley. And he does! He actually stops whatever he was doing and sits next to Brad. Sometimes I peep at him from the kitchen and see Bryan talking to Bradley and giving Brad the toys that he has dropped, and at the same time reminding Bradley “to hold on tightly to your toys ok!”. My heart almost burst with pride and joy at that moment. Bryan, I must say, is an endearing big kor kor.

As for Brandon, Bryan do loves him just that Brandon tries very hard to copy everything Bryan is doing, and ends up destroying something in the process. Hence Bryan gets very frustrated especially when his precious Lego build-up is smashed to the ground. On better days, the both of them are able to sit down and play a puzzle together, or dance & sing & act silly together. I have no doubt that they both adore each other because the moment one is out of sight, the other will be asking for him. I’ll give them both time and according to this parenting book I was reading, I should give them space and opportunity for siblings to work things out themselves, instead of me intervening all the time.

Brandon is generally more tolerant of Bradley than of Bryan – perhaps sensing less threat! I feel that he is still too young to understand all that is happening around him. He is still driven by his instint for “survival”. Brandon does have his soft side. For instance, I will never be allowed to leave his side while he is playing unless I tell him that I have to feed/bathe Bradley. Then he will allow me to go.

I do feel blessed with these three sons of mine and I give thanks for that every single night. Have I ever wished for a girl? Of course I have! But it doesn’t mean I love the 3Bs any less. It’s just nice to see them watching over each other and I can only imagine how much ruckus they will be making when they are a little bigger!!

Finally, I’ve done it after all the talk. Booked my leave and set out to take my first baby step, hopefully towards a continuous life-time worth of such.

The first stop was SJK (T) Taman Permata in Dengkil. Firstly, I had no idea how to get to Dengkil. VT told me take NKVE but Google Maps told me to use LDP. Either way, it wouldn’t have mattered because the school is situated in such an isolated area that I would still be looking for it now had I not stopped to ask the locals. The road leading to the school was a single-lane road cutting through an oil palm estate.

Off the beaten path

The Destination

There are a total of about 120 children in the school ranging from Primary 1 to 6. Most students are from poor families staying in a nearby shoddy government flat. Most of them used to lived in Putrajaya when it was an oil palm estate. When development started, the oil palm workers were moved to Dengkil with no job or source of income. Looking through the students’ parents profile, 90% of the parents have a combined monthly income between RM300-500, performing odd-jobs. The teachers voluntarily run extra classes from 1:30pm to 4:30pm daily to encourage students to stay back so as not to idle time away in the afternoons. Unfortunately, the school PIBG lacks funds to provide lunches to all the students. Currently, only Primary 6 students are given lunches and they are given priority because they will be siiting for UPSR. The other classes go hungry – no kidding. It costs RM1.50 daily to provide lunch for each student.

I’d spent some time talking to the Primary 4 & 5 students, the group I wanted to support. Most are from hard core poor familes. I see a boy wearing old & oversized slippers to school because he doesn’t own a pair of shoes, and a girl wearing T-shirt & shorts because her parents cannot afford the school uniform. I choked back tears but mustered enough cheeriness in my voice to ask in my broken Malay, what their ambitions are.
- Police
- Fireman (“bomba”)
- Scientist (1 of the student was 1st runner-up in the State Junior Scientist competition last year!)
- Teacher
- Doctor

The children are quick to warm up to strangers (myself & a colleague) with their wide grins and are ever so-polite, saying “Selamat Tengahari” and “Terima Kasih”. A few cheeky ones came over to touch me and hold my hand. Very, very touching. I am happy that the Primary 4 & 5 students will have lunches from tomorrow onwards.

Primary 5 students

I quickly popped over to the canteen to check out what the students will be served going ahead.

Sambal sardine with fried long beans

Good news is that the menu changes daily. I am pleased that they are attempting to give the kids a balanced diet.

Prior to departing, I chit-chatted with the Primary 6 students who were lunching and wished them luck for their UPSR. They all promised me that they will study hard to achieve 7 As – not an impossible feat considering the school produced 2 straight-As students last year with a passing percentage of 68%.

From Dengkil, we spent another 45mins on the road to Shah Alam. After a few wrong-turns we finally located the “soup kitchen” in Seksyen 6/7, which is a set-up providing free food, shelter & clothes to the needy. We read about this from The Star a couple of weeks back about a businessman who set this up to help what he calls, the “urban poor” – typically people earning less than RM1k monthly living in Selangor. We couldn’t come empty-handed.
- 2 huge packets of beehoon
- 5 x 5kg cooking oil
- 2 x 5L rose syrup
- 4 x 2kg coarse sugar
- 4 x 1L santan
Total bill: only RM365. Funny thing is that my typical grocery bill comes up to much more than this – having to buy diapers, milk formula. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t cost a whole lot to feed lots of mouths.

The friendly Pakcik offered us teh tarik while sharing with us his aspirations to help people, and as his did there was a constant stream of people walking in to have their meals (today, it was choice of Nasi Goreng or Fried Meehoon topped with Bubur Kacang and syrup water). The kitchen is opened from 10am-6pm daily except Sundays and public holidays and there are no set meal times. So you could stroll in at 3:30pm and ask for food. On top of that, they offer basic language tuition in English and Mandarin at the same premise from 8:30pm to 10pm daily.

The banner promising free compassion!

Why am I blogging about this? It is not to tell you what I did, but rather to create the awareness that poverty lives amongst us despite leaving in Klang Valley. You cannot help everyone but you could help spread the word

P/S: I have intentionally left out the details on how the canteen operates in providing food to the students and how Pakcik ensures there are no opportunists, but believe me, they have a pretty tight system working there.

Inspired by Barb’s cheery post, these are what make me happy:

1. Babies
2. A good Japanese or steamboat meal
3. Seeing the people I care for, happy
4. Losing weight (contradicts to #2!)
5. Road Trips
6. Dancing to retro music
7. Drinking alcohol (unvoluntarily happy, in this case)
8. Spending time with the loved ones
9. Being pregnant
10. Being around friends

HAPPY WEEKEND, EVERYONE. Have a good one!

NOTICE: If anyone is aware of children requiring financial assistance for medical, educational or basic well-being (in terms of food stuff, housing etc, NOT a Wii or laptop!) purposes, please email me at pakumuse@gmail.com or huang.paik-ling@sc.com

Please help spread this around. Every case will be thoroughly evaluated and determined for genuineness by a board prior to the disbursement of funds.